Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
lol hangovers are for mortals.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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