the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
