I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
