Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
