The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
well, you know. whores of a feather.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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