oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How external is "for external use only"?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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