I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
