i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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