my phone needs a breathalizer
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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