Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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