I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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