I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
