Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
