This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
