I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
