Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
