Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
