Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
