my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
