i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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