we're blogging at a bar
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
