True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
