You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
