I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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