pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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