there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
