the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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