Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
