wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
