Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
