There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
