one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
