theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
