Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
