The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
