Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
