Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm just crazy horny about you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
