The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
