Capitaan dildo arrescate!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I enjoy the company of your penis
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