Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
