Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
