This girl is more easily done than said...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
