someone get that fucking seahorse.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
