The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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