In the future we'll all be gay
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
