I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
