I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
