I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
