There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
