who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
