She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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