My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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