my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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