When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
