She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
