Do you still have your period?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
