i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
